Hope for Disabilities

Fulfilling unmet needs in the disability community

When You Disagree With What Your Family Thinks Is Best When It Comes To Your Life Choices

Posted by Emily Jensen on April 24, 2016 at 3:50 PM

Growing up with a medical diagnosis, is not easy for most people.  When you have family members who feel the need to add their two cents into the equation of what they think and feel is the best, that can make it even harder. In a lot of cases, where a person has a diagnosis, the biggest fear that the parents and doctors might have is that person wanting to have their own family one day.  There could be many risks involved depending on the diagnosis.  The doctors might meet with the parents to try and plan out the child's future in hopes to protect them from life.  Some children with a medical diagnosis might even be told at a very young age that due to their diagnosis, they are not able to have children whether that is true or not.  They often don't think about the possibility that the child might one day start asking questions and once that child legally becomes an adult, the doctor's legally can't keep that information from them, so if they are smart and persistent enough, they might be able to find out information that has been held from them their entire lives in hopes to protect them from the real world.  Once these children find out that they had been lied to and misled their entire lives, often times this can lead to a lot of anger, hatred, and resentment. 

What do you do, or how do you handle it, if you want to do something or attempt to learn something that you have been told your entire life that you would never be able to do, but you are scared to try because you have always been told for one reason or another that you can't.  What do you do when you find out that in fact you can, but there may be risks involved in doing or trying to do what you are considering?  How do you break away from the negative feelings because you feel betrayed and you have missed out on so much that you could had done if you had been given the chance when you were younger.  Some of these opportunities you can never get back if you learn about them to late in life.  Some of these things might be easier to forgive than others, but what if they aren't?  How do you deal with the physical, mental, and emotional pain that these things have caused you?  For example, what if you decided to try and have a successful pregnancy, just to find out that once the child was born, your family would start plotting agaisnt you to have that child removed from your care and custody, no matter what they had to do to make that happen and as that child is growing up, they led that child to believe that your parent or parents where something other than who they truly were meaning they made them out to be incapable of caring for the child when in reality they had done better than some in the first few years of the child's life, but because the grandparents didn't agree with how the child was being raised,  they would do anything in their power even if it meant lying to their own child and to the courts to have that child removed from their care and custody.  What is that telling their child?  That is telling the child more than likely that the parents don't believe in them and that they are a failure.  No child should ever have to experience these feelings. 

Why is it so hard for a parent of a child with a medical diagnosis to love them unconditionally and support, believe in, and encourage them and not feel the need to interject their two cents into the story?

Categories: Disabilities and Special Needs, Parenting Techniques, Psychological Counseling

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